RTOAB

Who Do YOU Think You Are?

2010-04-09T09:39:00.005-04:00

This is just another reason why I want to scrounge together some money to get an account on ancestry.com!

A few years ago, I heard about the show "Who Do You Think You Are?" on the BBC. My SO and I have found ourselves over the years watching more and more Brit-TV, and once I heard about that show I just had to see it. Unfortunately I have yet to find a way to watch it over here in the US, but now NBC has imported it over and started their own version. It is completely fascinating to me as I have always been very interested in researching my family and seeing the different ways of researching it and getting beyond road blocks is very uplifting.

I know a little about my background: My father was born and raised in a small village in southern Greece where he was witness to Italian and German invasions and attacks during World War II. As he got older, he eventually followed two of his three sisters (one stayed behind in Greece, as did his brother) to Canada. He said he came over with barely any money, braved the long sea voyage despite getting seasick, and started from scratch over in Montreal. He learned English from TV and a little bit of French-Canadian from those around him, and eventually he moved to the US and settled in Connecticut. I barely knew his mother, as she passed away when I was only four. What little I remember of her is that she didn't speak much English, would occasionally visit here from Greece, and we'd sit on the back porch eating lemons and watching the wildlife in the yard. My father's father passed away before my parents even met, and all I really know of him is that he found a huge and very ancient olive oil urn on the family farm that is now in a museum. I know a few details about the family history beyond that, but nothing too specific. At some point my great-great-etc. grandfather was enslaved by the Turks who had taken over Greece, and his dramatic escape from his captor led to his settling in a new town across the mountains. This is why our unique name split in two, and I'm curious how many other people with the same surname are actual relatives of mine.

I say actual because before my grandfather met my grandmother, he had decided to move to America. However, as he was about to get on the boat he apparently said he would never get on something that looked so rickety and he decided to stay in Greece. What happened next was a mystery: When Ellis Island put a website with all the names listed, we only looked for ours on a lark. We knew the family had gone through Canada before coming to the US but we were just curious. Then it popped up: My grandfather's name. So either someone bought or stole his information and tickets, and they signed themselves into Ellis Island as my grandfather. Where the heck did that person go? Who knows. Were they related to us? Who knows. That I guess is a dead end but it does probably account for the large number of people in the country with the name.

I know probably even less about my mother's family. My mother's mother, whom I get my middle name from, was born in Pennsylvania to a Polish and (slightly) German family. I don't know when either of her parents were born, and where their families were from. I believe both were born in this country, but I don't know too much about them. My grandfather was born in Connecticut and is (supposedly) 100% Lithuanian. We had always heard the family name was changed when they came over from Lithuania, but have since discovered that it was my great-grandfather who had actually decided to change it after living here. I recently got to see the grave of my great-great grandparents on that side, and it was pretty amazing to not only see the names and dates but the actual surname that was brought over. How and why it was changed actually remains a family mystery, supposedly surrounding some sort of tragedy.

My great-grandmother (my grandfather's mother) never talked much to me about her history, but I do know bits and pieces. At some point, her mother owned a saloon which was also supposedly a brothel. I have no idea where this was or if it was actually a brothel, but I think that is a pretty interesting nugget to find! However, I don't know anything about her parents beyond that and who knows where they came from and when they came from there. My grandfather has tried to research it, and some of his cousins tried to go to Lithuania where we apparently still have some family but as most of the records have been destroyed we don't know much. I do know at some point they had a horse farm over there, but that was taken away as the family was forced out by the higher ups.

I would love to know where all these roots go. What other surprises await on the branches of my family tree? I can't even begin to imagine. Is my father's family actually all Greek? At any point, was my mother's family Jewish? She has often been assumed to have Jewish roots by people when they first meet her, and even my Ashkenazi SO (who not only is from about the same area as my family, but also recently found they had originated from Scotland before that) has said that part of the family looks like they could have been Jewish at one point. Highly likely he has said, given the areas they came from.

Of course the celebrities on "Who Do You Think You Are?" have not only their own money and power behind them but that of NBC (and to an extent, the BBC), so they probably have an easier time getting over all these road blocks. This research is sadly expensive, but the longer I wait the harder it is going to be to fill in the missing pieces.

I do wonder what strange coincidences I'll find though. Sarah Jessica Parker, who once played a Salem witch in the movie "Hocus Pocus" in one of her early roles (and where I first saw her), assumed her family was just European Jewish as that was all they knew of. However, through the show they discovered an ancestor from Connecticut and from there they traced her family back to Massachusetts in the 1600s. Surprise! She had an ancestor who was an accused witch in Salem, although her trial was the last one held and they never prosecuted her.

Emmitt Smith was on the next episode I watched, and while he traced his family both back to a white slave owner and a tribe in Africa, one of the keys to his past was in a book numbered "22" which, he pointed out, was coincidentally always the number on his jersey.

I'm still watching Matthew Broderick's episode right now and he has a similarly strange coincidence as his wife had. He pointed out he had played a civil war soldier in "Glory," and then was shocked to find out his great-great-grandfather had actually died in battle in the civil war (and through that research they were able to put a name to an unmarked grave).

So what coincidences will I find in my own tree? Who will I find there? I can't wait to find out.

I do kinda remember old-school "SNICK" rather fondly, though...

2010-03-28T10:45:00.006-04:00

I fully admit it: I was born in 1981. People always think I'm 16 or maybe 18 and, rarely, I'm assumed to be somewhere between 21 and 23. Then there will be a moment of shock when they either spy my ID, hear me talk about all the things I've done since high school, or listen as I mention things from my childhood.

I saw the Challenger explosion in preschool and I apparently saw Reagan at the town hall when I was a baby/toddler. Hurricane Gloria blew my Fisher-Price playhouse down the road. Games on the playground were about "Rainbow Brite," "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," and "Indiana Jones." I can proudly say I got to see "Return of the Jedi" in the movie theater first run (What a great brother I have! What teenager wants to take his very much a kid sister to "Star Wars"? I am very lucky!) even if I can barely remember the experience. Side Note: For years afterward, I kept remembering people speeding through trees and what I would eventually find out to be Ewoks. It wasn't until I discovered the trilogy in middle school that I realized what I had been seeing all those years.

We had an Atari, a Commodore 64, and (wait for it) the Nintendo Entertainment System WITH ROB THE FREAKING ROBOT! I remember the days you couldn't save your games and had to leave the machine going all night. My father had an Asteroids (or was it Space Invaders? It is somewhat fuzzy now) machine at his barber shop, and we ended up bringing it home and having it in the family room. A nice old table top version, which we did sometimes use as a table. (I admit that bad habit stuck: right now I have a desk lamp on my desktop.) My first TV was black and white and still had a UHF knob. At some point, I got this neat box that had 24 (I think? 18 maybe?) switches I could use to change channels - two per switch. Not all corresponding to channels we actually had but I do remember the switch for Fox was also the switch for Nickelodeon. This allowed me to watch things I wasn't allowed to watch at that age because as soon as I heard someone coming I could switch it easily to "Donna Reed" (on the same time as "In Living Color"). That was maybe one show ("Lassie" was another) that I didn't enjoy watching, but everything else was love. I watched "F Troop" and "Dobie Gillis." "I Love Lucy" and "The Dick Van Dyke Show." "Get Smart" was one of my favorites and I dreamt of the day I could have a shoe phone (essentially a cellphone with a dial... and in a shoe).

Then it all disappeared. The shows I had been watching were on in the 50s and the 60s. Now it was the 60s and the 70s as we moved through the 90s, then... the 80s became classic. Why was my childhood suddenly on Nick at Nite and TV Land? Why could I watch "Full House" or "Roseanne" where I used to watch "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeannie"? Then the 90s broke through, and you can now watch "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air." I loved that show back in the day, but I can't watch it anymore. It seems too new, until I think back and realize my mother probably felt the same way about those shows I used to watch. They were her childhood and her teenage years. Sure I barely remember watching "Taxi" as a toddler with my mom but I ended up falling in love with it when I was older and watching it on "Nick at Nite." To her, that was her "Fresh Prince." It was her "Roseanne." When is "Friends" going to grace the channel? Will "LOST" ever be on it?

Thankfully the internet is a treasure trove of older shows. For some reason, watching something as "new" as "Newhart" on there isn't as jarring, and I can stil re-watch "Welcome Back, Kotter" and "One Day at a Time." It isn't all nostalgia, because a lot of the things I find myself watching are things I rarely liked as while growing up. Even though I've seen them before, they seem suddenly fresh. Fresh in ways that re-watching shows from the 90s doesn't compare to. Why? Because now that I am almost 30 I am seeing things in these shows that I never saw before. Things you don't understand as a child and can only understand when you've lived a little bit. Will I someday find different wisdom in "Frasier" or "Wings" in ten or twenty years that I didn't get the first time around? Will I see the jokes different? The plot-lines?

Meh, who knows. Just another tangent I guess that I began to ponder. So thank you to Hulu and Netflix for filling the void Nick at Nite can't fill anymore. Now if only I could get my NES working... I could use some old school Legend of Zelda action, and the re-release on the Game Cube just doesn't cut it. (Yeah, I know there are emulators... but it isn't the same!)

I'm a Bad Blogger

2010-03-27T12:21:00.003-04:00

So yeah. I fail.

I was so excited about my "LOST" blog, and then I never got to keep up with it. :( Sadly, my access to the internet and television have been severely limited ever since I started my journey. If I had more time, perhaps it'd be easier. However, by the time I get to watch the new episode, I don't have time to go back and re-watch the old ones. Life has gotten in the way, yet again.

With Asteri's 11th birthday coming in now less than two months, I'd like to say I've been hard at work getting all that done and thus have a valid reason why I didn't keep up with the topics of this blog. The website revamp too has unfortunately suffered a similar fate, being pushed aside for life. The thing with that is, I have to meet the deadline for a variety of reasons so I need to start trudging along and facing life as well as these tasks at the same time. Otherwise I'm left without a release, and with regrets of not getting all my projects completed when I wanted them to be.

I have some exciting things planned, and granted a lot of the work has already been done but that is just the beginning of what needs to be accomplished. Here's hoping I find a way to fit it all in.

Raised by Another after Sundown

2010-03-04T16:57:00.001-05:00

First off, forgive me because I had already re-watched episodes 1 through 9 prior to coming up with this project. I thought about going back to watch them now and restart, but when I realized my next episode would have been “Raised by Another” if I kept going… well, I thought that was perfect considering last night’s episode, “Sundown.” I will eventually go back, but I’ll work that in later. Besides, for now until I get into the swing of things… this may not take complete shape just yet.

Now, the last episode (“Solitary”) saw Sayid meet up with Rousseau, learn about the “sickness,” “the monster,” and of course… the whispers. This episode begins with Claire having a dream about a very creepy looking Locke (with one pupil black) and then getting attacked. Charlie ran over to Claire after hearing her screams, and saw her hands were bleeding. Jack cleaned her up and they have a discussion about her OB-GYN. Now, at this point, neither they nor we know they are brother and sister. That is an odd thing I keep reminding myself, even watching the pilot and seeing Claire was one of the first people Jack helped.

Things I note during the episode:

- Initially, I thought Kate would end up with Sayid when the series started.
- As soon as the psychic got freaked out and made Claire leave the first time, I thought for sure he saw an evil future for her and her child. As did many others. Looking back, FORESHADOWING! Which yeah, we figured anyway…
- What would Charlie do if he were still alive and seeing what Claire is like now?
- Hurley has always been awesome, and wow he actually did lose a lot of weight during the course of the show.
- He showed signs of a leader in the beginning, with making the list of people who were on the plane. (Hey, is that meaning something considering Jacob and his lists?)
- Did Thomas get some sort of visit from Widmore/Abaddon/someone that scared him away from Claire? Perhaps he was promised fame for his art in exchange for not staying with Claire and the baby. Perhaps that is why Widmore has Thomas’ painting? (Although, granted, that painting of Widmore’s was technically shown earlier than Thomas was painting it.)
- Haha, I love that Hurley was creeped out by Locke.
- When I first started to watch LOST, I never read spoilers. Yet I knew as soon as I saw Ethan that he wasn’t on the plane.
- Aww, Jack and Claire are fighting like siblings even though they don’t know they’re siblings. Cute.
- Shannon made up just as many awesome names for things as Sawyer did. Craphole Island. Rape Caves. God’s Friggin’ Gift to Humanity. <3 I miss Shannon… (I realize I am in the minority. :P)
- Hurley melted Sawyer’s heart faster than Kate ever could.
- “Do you know ‘Catch a Falling Star?’?” Hmm.
- Wait, her dad used to sing it to her? Was this her step-father, or Christian? Was he around at all when she was a child?
- As everyone speculated back then, the Island somehow made Claire’s pen not work. Perhaps that was Jacob’s doing? Or MIB’s? Who knows at this point!
- “Someone promised me it’d be different.” What? A couple raising your son in LA and you not raising him on an island? Well, Jack and Kate were for a while. In LA. :)
- So the psychic (Richard Malkin?) told Claire the couple would meet her and she had to take flight 815 to do so. Technically, she did meet Kate and Jack because of that. :)

As for the rest, I will say honestly I got a migraine toward the end and wasn’t totally focused on the task at hand. I’ll have to rectify this bad ending later when I go back to watch the beginning. This is a work in progress, most definitely.

Yet Another LOST Experiment

2010-03-03T12:27:00.003-05:00

Chances are, even if you've never watched a minute of it you probably know that LOST is ending this year. It is all over the TV, the internet, print, and radio, popping up in random places like weeds pushing through the ground. Well, weeds don't always have to be bad things. I find dandelions quite pretty and a lot of people I know enjoy eating them with olive oil and lemon juice, so I can't really get too much LOST information.

If you don't give a rat's ass about it one way or the other, this will not interest you in the slightest. If you are someone that has grown sick of hearing about Others and the Smoke Monster and a million other things you can't begin to understand, then I invite you to walk away now lest you decide to virtually chuck tomatoes at me. When it comes down to it, I'm committing myself to doing this "experiment" (I guess it is more of an exercise) for no one but myself. Well, maybe that is a lie, because who knows what theories/ideas I will inadvertently spread and... um... my non-LOST friends will probably thank me for having somewhere else to dump these conversations.

So enough of my usual long-winded text, let me get down to it: I randomly decided to re-watch the LOST pilot the other day and it of course made me want to keep watching from the beginning. Unfortunately, I'm also following it in "real-time," meaning last night I watched "Sundown" with amazed eyes and creeped out ears. However, while re-watching "Solitary" (Sayid's first flashback episode) I realized how amazing it would be to follow that with this year's season premiere. This show is certainly a well-crafted series of layered novels in disguise as a television series. Maybe that is why I'm drawn to it. Even in the "bad episodes," the writing is something to admire. To date, the only other television series which has managed to capture me the way LOST did in the beginning is what I've seen so far of "Caprica" after happening to catch the pilot's re-airing prior to the series' premiere on SyFy. That, however, is another post.

What will I be doing exactly? I think it might be fun and interesting to re-watch the series while watching this last season, comparing what happened before with what is going on now. I will try not to put spoilers for future episodes anywhere (I went 9 months without reading one, but since this season's premiere I've succumbed to temptation a few times), but if I do I will give fair warning. However, if you are not caught up to the latest newly aired episode then do not expect to be unspoiled. For the record, I'm currently on eastern standard time but do not always get to watch the episode the night it first airs due to unreliable access to cable. I've been lucky lately, but Hulu and ABC.Com work just as well!

So stay tuned... or keep reading... or whatever. Go visit another web page or order a pizza. You have free will, right?

formspring.me

2010-02-11T09:00:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/therandombeany so I can procrastinate some more.

formspring.me

2010-02-10T17:20:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/therandombeany since I am totally bored with this snow.

Being a Writer in the Real World Kinda Sucks

2010-02-02T20:28:00.003-05:00

Earlier today a friend was telling me about a new project she is working on and after very excitedly talking about it she ended things with a statement that she assumed I thought she was crazy. My response? "You're not crazy. You're just a writer."

While it may be true that many artists, writers, musicians, comedians, etc. do have some serious issues, in reality... who doesn't? The thing is that anyone that does anything which is creative tends to be a little more passionate about things. Plus, with creativity comes the things that are created. To me, her descriptions weren't weird because I've been spending my spare time working on my "Once Upon a Mushroom" project. I've been writing about a gnome going on an adventure with a talking dog, and that really isn't that insane compared to other works out there. Furthermore, it isn't even subject matter which makes the creative types seem a little nutty, it is the insane amount of research, note-taking, and even doodling that occurs in conjunction with it.

So while she was telling me how vast the amount of notes she has for her project it just seemed normal to me since, well, I created a wiki for OUaM because I had too many notes myself to keep track of. Heck, part of why I have so much junk in my house to sort through is because I have over 18 years of journals, sketch books, note pages, and so forth of my creations laying around. Knowing me, there's probably even a notepad tucked away in the kitchen somewhere that has the description of the main villain from "Shadow in the Mirror" (and don't get me started on how many dot matrix printouts and type-written pages that probably still exist at my parents' house).

However, the biggest issue with being a writer is that you tend to also wish you could write out your real life (and since I also used to do a lot of work with video editing and directing, I tend to also think of things in screenplay form many times). I have sadly found that I can (generally) figure out major and minor plot details in most movies and television series I watch just based on the tried and true devices as well as the writer's (and director's) styles. Sure sometimes I'm happily proven wrong, but more often than not I find myself realizing I could see the story unfold just from a mere plot summary.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner right now, and with it comes so many movies and shows about hardships in love. In the end, it is almost always a happy ending. Guy/Girl does something stupid to push other guy/girl away, a bunch of stuff happens, either guy/girl meets another guy/girl who starts out as a foil but ends up their "true love," or the original couple get back together. There is almost always a misunderstanding, but in the end people tend to live happily ever after (unless there's a sequel, or badly written fanfiction). Real life, sadly, doesn't work that way, and even the movies where it shows relationships more realistically still have the whole condensed-timeline thing working for them.

While pretty much everyone I know thinks "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" is one of the funniest movies they've seen, I ask them to imagine if it unfolded in real time. (By now, you should have seen it so I don't care about spoilers!) If we actually had to live through the time she was apart from the man she loved, because her own family didn't like the idea and wanted her to be with a "nice Greek man," would we still have laughed as hard? Being forced to not be with someone you love is not exactly a pleasant feeling. And yes, "Titanic" (again, you should have seen this already) didn't exactly have a happy ending but imagine how much worse that'd be living not only through the disaster, but going on all those years not being able to tell anyone the truth and knowing your (for all intents and purposes) "true love" died before you could spend your lives together. Every day, people deal with relationship roadblocks, however big or small, that they can't get over right away. I know people who were together over thirty years ago, remarried and had kids over the years, and then found their way back to each other recently. Sounds like good fodder for a story, right? Well, of course, but no one is going to want to wait thirty years for that pay-off in a movie (even soap operas don't spend much time on things anymore).

Right now, I'm going through one of the most adult things I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. Something I can't run away from, even though it'd be so easy to do it. How it makes it "adult" is the fact that I'm owning up to all the facts and dealing with it instead of being a coward. My entire life is changing, some for the better and maybe some for the worse, but the rest is still up in the air. There are certain things which are known to be true, and other things which are variables that could destroy that. Since no one can predict the future, no one knows how to proceed because at this point any answer could be the wrong one. Hindsight is 20/20, right? That is part of the problem: We can look back and figure out where things went wrong and how they could have been fixed, but since we're in the now that is impossible. All that can be done is to move forward and see what happens. Day by day, little by little, until the answer reveals itself. Now, if my life were a movie, I'd already know the ending. Of course, depending on the genre there would be several possibilities, but I'd have it figured out already. I'd know the outcome based on everything that has been given so far. Sadly, real life isn't some cliche (well, not usually). Plus, if you just edited out the time it takes between decisions and occurrences, these moments in life would still be a movie you could figure out.

Maybe I'm just rambling now, but to me at least it all makes sense. Trust me, there is not a moment that goes by in my life that I don't have set to music somewhere in the back of my head, with narration going and an idea of where I'd possibly take things if it were actually a story I was working on. That is just how I roll.

I'm a writer, and it does make me crazy sometimes. Then again, you kind of have to be.

"Once Upon a Mushroom"

2010-01-13T10:03:00.003-05:00

I decided to jump right in and create a Facebook fan-page for my new project: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Once-Upon-a-Mushroom/248607449725

I hope to get back to you all with some better updates. Right now, "Real Life" is cray hectic. I'm hoping this helps, though.

This Might Not Be Coherent (Thank You, H1N1 :-P)

2009-12-01T16:56:00.008-05:00

If I ever have children, they will one day no doubt ask me what life was like when I was "young." They will have read in their history books of all the "craziness" that transpired in my lifetime, and just looking back right now I already realize I'll have some good fodder for stories. In fact, I can ask myself the very same questions I have posed to my parents over the years and already come up with a few answers.

Why, I remember when my mother told me about how she had to iron her hair because it was so curly and they didn't really have actual hair flat irons. She was in high school in the 70s, and the whole "big hair thing" didn't come into play until she attended cosmetology school (well, back then I guess it was just "beauty school"). So what is the strangest thing I've done to my hair to stay in fashion? I can tell you the things I did to it that were most definitely out of fashion, like when I managed to accidentally crimp my hair before a big middle school dance with these weird hair doodads I bought for myself at Caldors (or was it Bradlees?). While I am most definitely a child of the 80s that had many a crimped-do, this occurred in probably about 1992 or 1993 so you can imagine my horror. I remember I hid the pictures from my mother for years, because I was too embarrassed to show her (even though she obviously saw me when I left the house). However, I suppose the only culturally significant 'do I've had is the "Rachel," made famous by Jennifer Aniston when she played said character on "Friends." I got it right before news broke that it was the "it" hairdo, and immediately felt funny for having it. In fact, I've worn my hair in a lot of styles based on media characters, even if they were cartoon characters (my favorite go-to has always been the "Quistis," especially with my glasses), but that is probably best left for a post by itself (with lots of pictures to match).

Let's see, what else... Oh, there is of course the question of "Where were you when..." followed by a significant moment in history. For my mom, that was "Where were you when JFK was assassinated?" Meanwhile my father, who moved from the Mediterranean to Canada to the US, has stories about where he was when the Nazis attacked his village ("We were all laughing at them at the edge of the cliff. They couldn't reach us from where they were shooting from!") and, before that, when the Italian soldiers invaded ("Your grandmother attacked them with a frying pan, she wasn't about to give them food when she had a family to raise!") Again, whole other post. When I was growing up though, I used to think my generation was severely lacking in a "generation defining occurrence." The biggest thing that I can actually remember from when I was a kid was the Challenger disaster. Then it was Desert Storm. But then, it was 9/11.

What has been made clear is that probably every generation, at first, starts to think the one before it was crazier, or harder, or easier, or amazing, or horrifying. Then something happens and you can't wait for it to end, for all the talk to stop, for all the questions to cease. From the minor little dips into pop culture history to the realities of war, each generation gets those "defining moments" in some way or the other, and is thus labeled as such for the rest of history (until something more exciting happens). Then, you can look back and laugh at it when it doesn't hurt anymore.

This is why I think this point in my life shall be "hilarious" someday. It might take quite a while, but we'll see. When my theoretical kids ask me about the economic crisis, I can tell them I lived it. Our very own depression, oh great. Then there's the health insurance issues, other medical issues, the current and former political state, the fact that my boyfriend and I both managed to get H1N1 (aka "swine flu") and are now both basically quarantined for a week, the hardships of being in a state with some of the highest gas prices in the continental US... It should be funny someday that it all happened to us at once, right? ... Right?

I'll have to come back to this thought later

2009-11-30T20:18:00.003-05:00

The sheer amount of Snuggies, Dog Snuggies, and other similar products now available at pretty much every store and website I've been to recently has made me realize that the visions Hollywood has always had for our future wardrobes may not be that far off. Wow.

In fact, I just realized this is my second post mentioning said Snuggies. Do you see how fast this is spreading?

Hmm. I wonder how long it will be before we see people in public in their Snuggies/Slankets/Blankets with Sleeves. Got any pictures yet?

Snuggie-licious!

2009-11-16T21:34:00.004-05:00

I do not own a Snuggie. I think the idea of a Snuggie is stupid. It is a blanket with sleeves. It is a backward robe. It is stupid.

Or is it?

Both of us being computer nerds, at some point in the evening we end up on the computer(s). Of course, these days you live your life online so I guess this isn't so weird anymore. Whatever. At any rate, with us being caught up in that whole economic crazy mess that the media keeps reminding us we're in as they also try to sell us some holiday cheer we can't really afford to stay as toasty as we'd like. This tends to make the sitting-at-a-computer-and-barely-moving a pretty chilly task for the evening. We got spoiled when in Boston of all places where we had a passively solar house and a wood stove. I barely needed a blanket draped over me then. But now?

Now we're in a state with high energy prices, and a house that our wood stove is too small for. I end up using that laptop for warmth as much as I do for work, and I covet the puppy as my little heater. If I'm completely under the blanket, only my head sticking out, with her buried underneath like she loves, I stay so toasty warm it is unbelievable. This is the method I use while camping! This is not very compatible to using a laptop, however, as the movement of my arms toward the keyboard just lets in more cold air. With a laptop, you need your arms free, so a better way to wear the blanket is around your back. This causes a lot of heat loss, as the dog ends up in only one side of the blanket and my chest down to my toes are not covered. Sure I can try to adjust, but it never works out just right and I end up still losing heat. Why, if only I could wear it the first way, but with sleeves coming out so I wouldn't lose as much heat.

Yeah, so... it's only 39 outside right now and I'm really wishing I had a Snuggie right now. Although I'll be damned if I ever buy one.

Re-purpose, Re-use, Recycle!

2009-11-12T12:53:00.002-05:00

It is the first dreary day after a string of some of the most beautiful Autumn weather we've had in some time, and honestly, it really isn't all that bad. These days just tend to remind me that Winter is right around the corner, but I'm a snow junkie so I don't really care about it that way. Winter is probably one of my favorite times of year, although if you get me talking enough about each season I can probably come up with reasons why each one would be my favorite (except Summer. Strangely, I'm starting to hate Summer. Maybe its because the days of getting the Summer off are long gone. Tell me again why I didn't stick with teaching?)

But this is completely off-topic. My reason for taking time out of my work to sit down and write this is for something not seasonal, per say, but it is definitely something that is at least helping ease the upcoming Holiday crunch. I know I've touched upon it already, but it is something that is just exciting me more and more as each day goes on.

I was raised by a mother who loved to decorate, and our house always looked like it popped out of a magazine. This not only included holidays, but just the everyday style of everything. She, in turn, had learned this from my amazing grandmother, who could go from painting and wallpapering to redrawing blueprints to, well, pretty much anything. I have, thankfully, inherited these interests and the best compliment I think I've ever received was when a friend in Boston told me that she loved coming to our place because it always made her feel like she was actually at home and not in some random dorm or college apartment. When I look at decorating, I don't like things that are sterile and uncomfortable even if they are beautiful. I look at decorating as a way to make the house feel more warm, and all our guests feel at ease.

One thing I'm glad to expand on is the ability to find the old and turn it into the new. My cousin and I used to scour this great little shack of random treasures called "Pick-N-Paw" off of 26 in West Paris, ME and try to figure out what we could re-purpose. It was a veritable junk store, where one person's trash became someone else's treasures. We found replacement windows and doors there, a wood stove, an old ringer washing machine, and so much more. Not all of it was salvageable (and I always wondered about the electronics they left out front and didn't cover in the rain), but occasionally you'd find something extraordinary. I remember this one time we found this awesome wooden bench that needed some TLC, and the lady gave it to my cousin for $5. She ended up repainting it, replacing the seats with new leather and tacking, and adding some throw pillows, effectively turning it into something I'd expect to see in a catalog for probably more than $300. Plus, New England is a great place for those who love tag/yard/garage sales, and I have fond memories of driving around with my aunt through the mountains in Oxford and finding things I both re-used for my own place and other things I fixed up and resold for much more than I paid for. Heck, we used to turn old cardboard and fabric into jewelry boxes that my mom, my aunt, my cousin and I would peddle at craft fairs. I am so happy I picked up these skills at a young age, because it is really coming in handy now.

I think I may just start talking about each of the projects we're taking on here, because it is really a cool concept we're trying to do. Right now we can't do everything this way, but eventually our goal is to one day build and furnish a house without having to buy anything brand new. I know we can do it, and each little thing we do now is just adding to our future goal.

This blog post may be all over the place, and probably in need of some serious proofreading and editing, but right now I really don't care! I've got to get back to my remodeling and re-purposing. But I will leave those cash-strapped (or just environmentally-aware) decorators out there with an option for household plants: If you need to use something to collect water beneath them, the bowls from old dish sets work really well. I had bought some discontinued Fiestaware at Linens-N-Things years ago for $.25 a piece, and while I only have two yellow bowls left they are the perfect depth and size to put under our Jade and Money Tree plants - and the color goes perfectly with the rest of the kitchen! (Pictures coming soon!)

At Least I Am Certain About Not Living In Rhode Island

2009-11-10T11:38:00.006-05:00

I miss Boston.

I also miss Maine.

And I love it here.

...

I miss being able to walk ten minutes in order to get to a million different things.

I miss being able to drive an hour before you see a city.

I love being so close to Long Island sound I can smell the sea water in the air when it rains.

I miss my friends.

I miss my family.

I love being close to my family here, and reconnecting with friends I haven't seen in years.

Even though I had to work weekends and sometimes be up at 6am on a Saturday so I could work for three hours at a meeting, then come back hours later to do a full shift... I miss my job. I especially miss the people there.

I miss being able to support myself through art, internet work, and writing.

I love the idea of being able to go back to school.

I hated the commute to work.

I hated the commute to the grocery store.

I love the commute to pretty much anything I need to get to.

I miss spending Thursday nights at the Pig, walking down to Qdoba after a stressful day, taking the T down to Newbury Street and exploring the shops there, sitting out in the common, or the fens, and having a relaxing afternoon.

I miss hiking through West Paris, driving to York Beach, driving up the coast toward Bath and beyond, and heading into Portland with my cousin for a girl's day.

I love seeing my parents, and my brother, and going to Mohegan Sun for dinner and a show, walking through the parks and the hiking trails, and driving up to Lake Zoar, or Candlewood, just to look at the leaves or the water or whatever.

When I was in Boston, I wanted to move back to Maine or back here as much as I loved it there.

When I was in Maine, I wanted to move back here or, more likely, move to Boston.

When I'm here, I want to move back to Maine and back to Boston.

I want to be everywhere.

But I can't.

... Is it possible to be homesick for three places at once?

Yet what am I homesick for?

Most of my Boston friends have scattered, so it won't be the same.

My grandmother passed away and my cousin's marriage fell apart, so Maine will not be the same.

And as much as I try to reconnect with people, we have all been apart for so long and are so different now, it will never be the same.

We almost moved to NH or VT. What would that have done? Would I still be in this same situation?

I can't find a steady job here, but I want to go back to school. If I go back to Boston, I can find a job but going to school is going to be hard to swing. If I go back to Maine, well, both are going to be hard. VT has the best employment rates right now, who knows about New Hampshire.

Will I ever be completely happy where I am? Do I just need to pick up and finally use my EU passport for something other than bragging rights? Should I go work in Greece and live there? Should I finally do JET and go to Japan? So many people to let down, so much stuff to do, so much money to pay, so much of everything.

If someone can help me find an answer, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Tis The Season!

2009-11-09T10:41:00.004-05:00

I've been slacking off on my blog for a while, but I kind of expected this. I take on too many projects at once, and then I never get to finish any of them for an extremely long time. We're still working on remodeling the house (I really need to post pictures of the progress), plus I've been working on three writing projects (!) aside from this blog. I'm mad at myself for never finishing the posts about our hiking trip (what a story that is!), but there is just so much to do!

I just took a break right now to have a late breakfast and thought I'd do some investigation into an interesting project. A friend was over last night lamenting the fact that they couldn't find 100% hemp card stock for an environmentally-friendly project they are undertaking. Being the unfortunate web junky that I am, I immediately jumped online and started to search. While looking at various organic paper sites, I found some wonderful cards which can be planted to grow wildflowers. There are seeds embedded in the paper and you just need to wet it, plant it, and let it grow! I thought this was a wonderful idea, and immediately thought of ways I could make it myself and have it be more personalized. Since things are even tighter than they were last year, the holiday season has been looking pretty bleak but this was an idea, I thought, I could definitely use. I'd do little herb garden gift sets, beautiful poppy seed stationary, vegetable garden gift tags... whatever my heart desired! This would be especially great since I have many packets of seeds laying around that I never got to start for our garden this summer. I have found several websites this morning of others who have tried this (and they all had similar ideas on what to do with them), so I'm going to attempt a few and see what works best. When I get some time, that is.

I also found some cool articles on how to re-use old clothing that you might not be able to donate (stains, rips, etc.). My boyfriend and I were already talking about re-purposing a lot of stuff to decorate the house and possibly to give as gifts, so this will all be great! I used to do some things like that (making purses out of old shirts), but there are even more ideas that I've stumbled upon. We are really into finding green alternatives to things, or just alternatives to things in general (our IT business is definitely an indicator of that) so this should work out pretty well. Now I just need to figure out which of these empty rooms can have an area for my crafts!

I am going to make a promise to myself that I will definitely post an article/pictures of our remodeling project. It was supposed to be a whole website but we have so many other sites we're working on right now I never can find the time. I hope it will be soon, because things are really coming along!

It Isn't a Spoiler If It Aired Already!

2009-10-23T08:45:00.003-04:00

Last year I heard about a new show that was going to combine singing, dancing, comedy, and drama all in an interesting little package and would be broadcast on FOX. While it sounded absolutely amazing, I was afraid to watch it because everything I like that is quirky (like "Pushing Daisies" or "Eli Stone") gets canceled when it starts getting good. However, one day when I was off from work and my boyfriend was out and about, I decided to sit down and watch something on hulu and what was immediately presented to me was the premiere episode of "Glee." I figured I'd give it a go, just in case it was that good and actually caught on. Luckily, it was.

Cut to yesterday: My boyfriend (surprisingly) and I have been hooked on it ever since. I haven't missed an episode, and he's only missed "Acafellas" (which I still need to have him see). After he got home from work and all of his volunteer training, we cuddled up on the couch, pulled out my laptop, and started watching the latest episode, "Mash-Up." I didn't tell him I already watched it earlier in the day, as I just could not wait to see what was going to happen after I saw some of the previews, but it didn't matter. There were those few awkward moments I knew he'd have watching the cheesier portions ("The Thong Song" section was both hilarious and disturbing), but otherwise he thought it was a solid episode but just bounced around everywhere. This seemed to be the complaint most people had about it: Everything just seemed to come out of nowhere and was just happening, one right after another. Rachel and Puck are together! Now they're not together! Sue is happy! Sue is evil! Slushies everywhere! Etc etc. One thing that stood out for people seemed to be Sue's kitten joke, which you think the punchline will be that she will either kill or take the hypothetical kitten away from Will but instead she simply says she will punch him in the face. Where did that part come from? People argue oh that is part of the joke, because you think she'll hurt the kitten (just like mostly everyone, myself included, assumed the newscaster asking her about swinging didn't mean the dancing kind). Upon the second viewing of this with him, experiencing the episode both again through myself and for the first time through him, I realized that the jumps and compressed plotlines made sense. While there were no actual song mash-ups in the episode (another complaint I've seen viewers have), the entire episode was a mash-up! Plotlines that might not necessarily go together just got pressed into one, strange unending miss-mash of occurrences. Ryan Murphy - You're a genius.

Tim Curry Was an Awesome Wizard

2009-10-22T14:23:00.000-04:00

It is almost Halloween, and I am in the least-Halloweenish mood I have been in YEARS! I also have writers block again, which is bad because I had been working on numerous projects and they have now all come to a grinding halt. In fact I had two articles written up last week about a most interesting camping trip, but they have just sat on my desktop stalling and staring at me like a lost kitten. Bwah, when did this all become so hard?

But back to Halloween: This Saturday I am having a party and I don't even know what I'm going to be yet. Usually I have an idea of this by August, although my idea generally changes last minute. Still, it is unsettling. Sure the house looks kinda cool, but meh. The economy is getting me down and now that I'm supposedly older and more mature, I feel bad about buying decorations and costumes I'll only use once a year. I notice I've become a lot more multi-purpose about things as the years have gone by. If I buy something, it has to work for like ten other things or it isn't worth it. Okay, maybe not ten, just at least more than one or two. So now I like to get some September "Welcome to Autumn" time with my decorations as much as I want to keep it through Thanksgiving. That works with most of the pumpkins and the leaves, but what about the seemingly never-ending box of skeletons and strange dummies that keeps popping up? Even with all of that, I feel bad and can't get in the mood.

I also usually try to go all out for my costumes (making a melting face was the coolest thing I ever did, and it is the one costume I do not have any pictures of!! Argh!), but lately I just can't think. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't want to say it is growing up that has done this to me, because my whole family is pretty Halloween-crazed.

Maybe I need to rewatch some of those old Halloween shows from the 80s . They really don't make good holiday shows anymore like they used to, and even if they were pretty cheesy they were still fun. In fact, I have very fond memories of "The Worst Witch" so much so that when I first found out about Harry Potter and all the hype I was like "Seriously? It is like 'The Worst Witch' in so many ways." Or that movie with Judd Hirsch as Dracula... but the name escapes me now. Ack! Has my brain really tried to drive out all the Halloween stuff from itself? I really hope not.

And just think of the poor werewolves!

2009-10-08T23:03:00.001-04:00

So did you hear the one about the scientific organization that decided to shoot something into the moon?

If you haven’t heard yet, you can read one of the many articles about what is going on tomorrow morning. So no, that wasn’t the start of a joke (or a Jerry Bruckheimer film): it is really happening.

Why? Reputable news sources report the word of those at NASA who say it is about the discovery of water and the hope of sustaining missions and people on the moon for a launching pad into space or a potential colony. There are, of course, not so reputable news sources which say there’s an alien moon base and we are starting a war with them. While that one is certainly the more colorful option (and I guess stranger things have happened in the world at some point to oblivious groups of people), I’m inclined to go with what NASA said.

I don’t know if I agree with this for a few reasons, one of which is that this cannot be coming cheap. I mean if it is creating, let’s say 100,000 – no, 1,000,000 – jobs, then sure! That’s great. However, as it is right now we are just doing this to find out if we can possibly make a base or something on the moon, in order to explore the galaxy and/or possibly create a moon colony. That’s all well and good, but don’t we run the risk of overdeveloping the moon? What about some moon environmental awareness?

While I’m sure everything will be okay, there’s that small paranoid part of me that just has to wonder about the bad possibilities. That little part of me has to wonder what could go wrong. Will it push the moon off course? Will it break it in half? Will it completely destroy it? Given the amount of explosives in this missile (supposedly zero), and the fact that this will be like a pin prick (or maybe a mosquito bite) to the moon, I highly doubt this but again, you never know. (And don’t even get me started on the whole possible black hole-creation thing – it has bad science fiction movie written all over it.)

So is this a good idea or a bad idea? A little bit of both, I’d say. Best case we end up with some new places to throw garbage – I mean, new places to live and study – and can hopefully reach further into the universe. Worst case we lose out on our major source of light at night and have some potential issues with gravity.

We don't really need those tides, right?

He Loves to Cook for Me, Too!

2009-10-06T19:34:00.000-04:00

I. have. the. most. awesome. boyfriend. ever! Period. Or well, exclamation point! Whatever, I'm just trying to draw attention to the awesomeness of this: My boyfriend has stated to me, verbally and matter-of-factly, that if he did not have massive amounts of college debt he would, without hesitation, buy me a pair of Manolo Blahniks.

…

Exclamation point!

…

He said “if they made [me] feel good and look good [he] would most definitely get [me] a pair, and it would make [him] happy to do so.” At this point, he did not denounce the rather insane amount of shoes I already own but pointed out his belief that I need high quality (which he said tended to be more expensive) shoes. Granted, the pair in question is from an older collection and thus not as expensive as you'd think (under $300), but that is still a lot for shoes. They are a pair I adore, and while I have never spent over even half that much for a pair of shoes (that is reserved for electronics!) they are certainly one pair I’d almost justify buying at the price.

At any rate, in the magical world of no college debt and cheap utilities (or a lottery win) I would have myself a sexy pair of Manolos. More importantly, the reality is that I have a really great guy, and it really isn’t that he would even buy them. It is that he understands why they are "necessary" and doesn’t think less of me for it. He knows it makes me happy when I wear shoes I think look good and make me look good. It is just a love I inherited (and was encouraged by) my mother. He feels nicer shoes will make me happier only because they'd stop breaking so much and look a lot better than half of them I own do. He even can justify this in the face of the four pairs of loveliness that were bestowed upon me today from shoe sales in Greece and Italy thanks to my amazing parents and their recently-ended sort-of-vacation.

A guy who understands a woman’s shoe collection? It doesn't get any better than this.

Lemons and Lemonade: Life as a Cliche

2009-02-25T16:13:00.000-05:00

They say that "when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade." First off, really, who says these things? Maybe I've been guilty of it a few times, but in all actuality it is rare for someone to make this statement to someone else unless they are trying to be cliche. However, it is time for me to actually say it about myself, and my life. I need to desperately make some lemonade, and hey I'll make it a little nicer and make it pink.

I was thrown a curveball over my visit home. I made the journey so we could get some perspective on things going on in our lives right now, but an unexpected twist was added. I won't talk about it in depth now, but it is kind of game changing - and very scary.

In the meantime, I'm trying to just deal and to keep looking forward instead of being stalled in the present under the weight of these massive lemons that have been dropped upon me. Hey, maybe the Tree of Life is a lemon tree or something. Whatever, I've gone on a random tangent now, so I better stop before it continues indefinitely.

I need a new place to live, and possibly a new job. It all depends on where we end up. I'm looking toward it all as an adventure, and thankfully I think the boy is doing the same. He, like me, is just kind of going with it. The good news is we're not crumbling, but rather are pulling together. I guess I'll put him in charge of stirring, or perhaps the addition of sugar.

To those of you who know what is going on, thank you for all your support. I'm hoping it all works out fine.

Her Story VII

2009-01-22T01:00:00.000-05:00

I can't count for you how many blog posts I've written since I last posted here. Unfortunately, they were all done via a personal favorite of Dr. John Dorian. The Internal Monologue. And like J.D.'s silly and sometimes elaborate tangent fantasies, these telepathic blogs that fail to publish to any known server tend to take on qualities of movies and television shows. No, I don't mean I write stories about my life that end up involving actual characters, but rather as I notice there are things in life that really do come up as if they were a last minute plot contrivance I also go into a sort of "scripting and directing" mode. Thus, the blogs start getting way too planned out for my own good (cue music) and don't exactly translate well to the written page, or pixel if you will. Perhaps that is where I fall short of segueing my J.D. into my Carrie.

My other has been encouraging both these sides of me, however, but I believe he gave up some where around New Years. I mean, there's still the occasional "writing is something you enjoy, do it more" spiel to get me motivated, but at this point he's (rightly) left it up to me to decide.

However, I know he genuinely does want this for me, and I'm glad for that. Especially since I wasn't really in total "writing" mode when we first got together so he never actually saw the regularity that I did it, nor the happiness and (cliche, I know) calm it brought me. The funny thing about it all though is that while he understands my want and my need for it, he doesn't understand how I get motivated.

Take tonight, for example. I have been looking forward to this night for a while. Lights down low, speakers on loud. Maybe a nice glass of wine. Time to cuddle up on the couch with a nice blanket, and watch the season premiere of "Lost"! While this may seem silly, this is one of the only shows I've actually followed start to (and this will be true in a few years) finish when it was first airing. I generally watched reruns growing up (I miss the old Nick at Nite, truly "a TV viewer's dream"), and I know this is cheesy but there is something about wondering what the hell is going to happen next that is exciting. Now that I know there is a specific end (oh how "Stargate SG-1" would have benefited with that, among many countless other series. You know who you are.) I can become more invested in the show. As that happens, I enjoy it more, which then... wait for it (yes it has a point, and apparently a lot more comments in parentheses. I'm like my own MST3K! And if you can't figure out what that is by just those five characters, then me telling you the name of it wouldn't matter anyway to this commenting. But I digress, as usual.). ... Okay, where were we? (<-- Comment put in for attempt at humor.) Oh yes, the more I enjoy something such as "Lost," it gets me more excited about creating my own media, and thus beginning to get more excited about writing! So I turned down all the lights, cranked up the stereo and tuned in intensely to watch... and he just thought it was the silliest thing. He respected it, and he watched it with me (he's missed way too much to understand where they are now, and had unfortunately missed the pre-premiere recap), but he did not get why I got so excited about it. And therefore, how the heck could it help me in my quest?

No matter what anyone's goals are, they may have unconventional or seemingly odd ways of getting there. Take the fact that I just spent precious sleep time (7am open, eww) writing here. Writing this silly, seemingly making no sense entry. Seriously, what does any of this have to do with anything? Well, maybe nothing to you, but...

Hey, I wrote something down, didn't I?

"Mamma Mia! Here I Go Again!"

2008-12-30T09:42:00.001-05:00

You know your boyfriend loves you when he'll sit and watch "Mamma Mia!" with you without complaint, knowing full well you just finished watching it five minutes before with your mother.

Sure there's nothing wrong with musicals, and he's seen plenty of them, but when it comes to a movie starring Meryl Streep, ABBA music and a singing Pierce Brosnan, you expect some reservations. I can't even listen to ABBA when he's around, he just hates pop and disco *that much* and doesn't understand how I can listen to it. I try to explain that there's a time and place for all types of music, and these particular tracks really make you want to get up and move around but he still doesn't understand. From his perspective I can see why, because it really is hard to understand why there'd be a time and place for ten different remixes of "Toxic" or "Genie in a Bottle." I mean, I still listen to them, but for a guy raised on Zepplin and the Dead... yeah.

As with all couples, we have our discussions about what to watch, what to listen to, etc. As much as you compromise from day to day, there are still those things you just don't want to give in to. I know he loves watching surgeries, but I can't stomach that and he knows it. Heck, I do the half-cover-my-eyes thing when we watch "House" (which we always seem to watch during dinner for some reason), so he knows watching intense medical programs on TLC or whatever don't generally go over well with me. Meanwhile, I know better than to put on an overtly feminine program (or, say, the VMAs) when he's within earshot. About 90% of what we do watch, we watch and enjoy together but never in a million years did I think "Mamma Mia!" would be in that category.

If I recall correctly, it was one of the highest grossing films of the year and I can see why. The island it was primirily filmed on (Skopelos) is simply gorgeous, and it made me long for the beaches in Santorini. The songs were well done, and I was surprised at how well Amanda Seyfried sings. I first saw her as Joni on "All My Children" many years ago, and now watch "Big Love" in which she is one of the children of the polygamist family and have always thought she was a good actress but I had no idea what a beautiful voice she has. So far, the movie has inspired many people I know to make a change in their life, just becaues of the uplifting quality it gives you. Silly, I'm sure, to let a movie do that, but is it really? Is it really that strange to have some form of art cause you to rethink part of your life?

Pierce Brosnan wasn't as bad as people made him out to be, either. He was kind of strained, but it wasn't off-key or anything. There were a few points the segueways into the songs could have been handled better (ie, "Dancing Queen") but the numbers themselves were very well done. I won't go into too much detail about the plot, in case anyone reading doesn't know the story and wants to see it, but it was quite enjoyable all around. Watching Meryl Streep made me remember when I used to watch "Death Becomes Her" all the time, and she seemed so much more comfortable in this role. Sure, she did look similar to what her DBH character did before she took the potion to make herself more youthful (so kudos to the DBH make-up people, they did a good job back then!), although she was definitely a lot happier in her skin in this movie! As always, Christine Baranski was a hoot to watch and now I have a strong desire to watch "The Birdcage" (one of my all-time favorites) again. I have a feeling Stellan Skarsgard's character was who my boyfriend enjoyed watching the most, only because of his adventurous nature and the fact that, well, he wants nothing more than to have his own boat and be able to take an adventure anywhere - especially the mediterranean. Although I'm sure we could have both done without the butt-shot with the tattoos (although hilarious!).

The last movie we watched together before this was "Pineapple Express," which surprisingly I think he enjoyed less than "Mamma Mia!" I believe this was mostly due to the fact that he expected MM to be awful and found it very enjoyable, whereas he had high expectations for PE and found it falling short of that. I personally thought it was hilarious, and not a let down at all like "Tropic Thunder" and "Don't Mess With The Zohan" turned out to be (he was in agreement with me on those two titles as well), although after seeing both of those I was, honestly, expecting less of PE after all the hype it had. James Franco did a wonderful job, and it was very interesting seeing him as Saul and then thinking about Harry Osbourne. And of course Seth Rogen was hilarious as always (I know everyone was praising Rosie Perez, but her character was probably the only let down in the whole movie in terms of what I heard vs. what I saw. I didn't realize Gary Cole was in it, either, but did enjoy his role.).

In closing, I'm glad we got the chance to watch these together finally, and I'm extremly glad he enjoyed the music in "Mamma Mia!" Maybe now I can get away with listening to "Voulez-Vouz" while I clean, although I suspect using the A*Teens cover of it would be out of the question.